The bottom line is that Joe Boxer and Victoria’s Secret are trading at $402 per share

This week a member went looking for one of the victims in a rollover collision which occurred here about five weeks earlier. The collision was alcohol-related and the driver is facing numerous criminal charges.

This week a member went looking for one of the victims in a rollover collision which occurred here about five weeks earlier. The collision was alcohol-related and the driver is facing numerous criminal charges. His passenger in particular, suffered the worst of the injuries when the vehicle flipped, knocked down a power line and then exploded. He suffered some partial thickness burns, a broken jaw and eye socket as well as a fractured neck. The RCMP member was waiting for him to be stabilized in hospital before attempting to take a statement from him and later was a little surprised to learn that the man had been discharged from the hospital already. Imagine his surprise when he discovered that this fool (the very injured passenger) had himself been arrested for impaired driving this week (and when I say impaired, I mean by drugs and alcohol and not just by the fact his head is bolted to a metal device which will not allow his neck to move and a patch is covering one of his eyes). It’s the corollary to the old slogan, “Friends don’t let friends drink and drive” (… the really stupid ones will drive themselves).

One day this week, at about 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon, Freeway Patrol members were dispatched to a peculiar complaint. The caller stated that she was stuck behind two vehicles travelling south on the QEII. She grabbed her mini-digital video recorder from her purse and began to film what was going on ahead of her. She stated that the vehicles were driving very close to each other. The male driver of the truck and the two females in the car were shouting back and forth to one another and all appeared to be squirming around in their own vehicles an awful lot. Then they began to exchange items. He steered while reaching out of his window (as far as he could while still keeping one hand on the wheel and his foot on the gas) and the female passenger hung out her window as far as she could (without actually dropping out of the car). When the distance between vehicles closed enough, the young woman handed him two items and he gave her one in return. The complainant then observed the male driver hold up one (and then two) items which the complainant clearly recognized as a thong and a pair of lacy booty shorts. She saw the female passenger hold up her prize too and recognized it as a pair of boxer shorts. At least that explained what all that squirming was about.

Police were not able to catch up to the subjects of this complaint but did meet up with the complainant and viewed her video. It appeared as though this was a chance meeting (both plates associated to different parts of the province), followed by some flirting and then an exchange of the underwear each of the three were wearing at the time (… and … while driving down a busy highway – I feel obligated to remind you). Both registered owners were contacted and after both made their own version of a feeble denial, they both admitted to the very thing. Both registered owners were advised that they are getting $402 stunting tickets in the mail. The male asked if he could just get a warning instead (implying that it would be awkward if his girlfriend learned of his fascination for freeway flirtation and the fruit-o-the loom flinging by way of a ticket in their mail box). (Author’s note: The Freeway Patrol member didn’t give him a warning – just the ticket. Surely the man’s own mother warned him plenty of times in his youth, “make sure you wear clean underwear”. Hopefully, words he lived by instead of words that occurred as a regrettable afterthought in this case).

A couple RCMP members trolling in the downtown area at bar closing time noticed that one man seemed very nervous whenever a cruiser passed by him. He would start walking towards his vehicle, unlock the doors so his passengers could get in and was about to get behind the wheel himself until he spotted a passing patrol car. Then he would suddenly turn on his heels and walk nervously away. The members in different cars had noticed the same thing. They had also noticed that his female passenger seemed particularly vexed by these sudden retreats by the driver. Police were not able to speak to the driver about this because they were dispatched to a 911 complaint of a brawl at another bar across town and had to race there. Oddly, it turned out to be a sham (usually cooked up by someone in a part of town where there are lots of police and they wish the police were busy elsewhere).

Police had discovered the ploy quickly and returned to the area they had just left. As they arrived, one member noticed the vehicle they had been watching earlier, driving through the parking lot. That same nervous Ned was behind the wheel and when he noticed that police were watching him, he stopped, turned off his vehicle and began to walk back to the bar. He was (of course) arrested for impaired driving instead. Back at the detachment his passenger had arrived and was wondering if the arrested man (only she referred to him as her “stupid brother-in-law”) would lend her cab fare. Police asked for her name and told her that they would ask her “stupid brother-in-law” about the loan. The member returned a moment later (he was talking on his cell phone and then hung up). He told the woman to answer her phone. She said, “why? My phone’s not ringing”. Then her phone rang. She answered it, listened and then said, “911 operator!?” and as she handed the phone to the member, she said “it’s for you”. The member arrested her for making the phony 911 report of the bar fight. “Stupid brother-in-law”, she said in her own defence.

If you have information about any unsolved crime or ongoing criminal enterprise, call the Ponoka RCMP at 783-4472. You can also call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS or now leave tips anonymously on-line at www.tipsubmit.com. If this is the kind of environment that you would like to work in, we are hiring. Check us out at www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca or call 1-877-RCMP-GRC for information about the application process.

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