This just in: The Martians have landed…in…. Ponoka, Alberta?

Between Nov. 16 and 23, 2008 Ponoka RCMP members concerned themselves with routine law enforcement issues and some which were not so routine. When I say not so routine I mean “not of this earth”.

Between Nov. 16 and 23, 2008 Ponoka RCMP members concerned themselves with routine law enforcement issues and some which were not so routine. When I say not so routine I mean “not of this earth”. This week Ponoka experienced a close encounter of the first kind.

On the night of the 20th, our dispatchers and 911 operators were besieged with complaints of unidentified flying objects in the sky over Ponoka. Most of the callers recognized the bright, fast moving objects as meteorites but those who felt that they were seeing flying saucers were well represented too. Some callers (when asked what it was they wanted – or expected – police to do about this) were suggesting that members might want to track the objects to where they land. That was somewhat reasonable in the case of the objects being extra-terrestrial spaceships, where police are often first on the scene, only to be disintegrated by a Martian death ray before the army arrives and…case of the objects being fiery rocks traveling through the atmosphere at an average speed of 3,000 km/h….well our cars are fast but …

A young woman called police to report that a man was constantly calling her and pestering her to repay a $40 debt to him. She was prompted to contact police when the man had threatened to “burn her mail”. Police spoke with the woman and learned that she did not know anything about the man other than his first name (and his willingness to lend people $40). The complainant reported that the man (whom she owed $40) was continually calling her (looking to have his $40 repaid) and she was growing tired of being  harassed (for her $40 debt). Now while threatening to set fire to someone else’s mail is in the general vicinity of something that could result in a criminal charge the member couldn’t help but wonder aloud if paying the fellow back his $40 might not be a good way to stop the harassment. That suggestion infuriated the complainant. Apparently she prefers a solution which allows her to consider the $40 “a gift”. So, if you are the one who lent her $40 please contact police. We would like to speak to you about your tactics and will also be pleased to assist you in filing a claim against your debtor in small claims court.

One morning police investigated a number of vehicle vandalism complaints. A number of vehicles had their tires slashed or suffered some other damage. Police later added one more vehicle to the list of vandalized vehicles, this one had suffered a smashed out rear window.

Earlier in that investigation, police considered the possibility that this was the landing spot of one of the meteorites spotted flying over Ponoka the previous night. Police ruled out the meteorite scenario…unless it is possible that a frozen pumpkin from an alien world was able to survive the extreme heat from the friction of entering the earth’s atmosphere and the earlier mentioned, quadruple digit speeds …. Oddly enough, “frozen pumpkin” is also a metaphor used to describe the qualities and capabilities of a head possessed by someone who would think throwing an ice petrified gourd through a car window and slashing tires was clever and a worthwhile activity by which to pass the time …hmm curious eh?

Personally, I’m partial to Jack Daniel’s but I’m considering making a change to hair spray. A woman was arrested this week for shoplifting hair spray. Before anyone could even point out that she didn’t seem like the type to be overly fussy about her hair style, she volunteered that she drinks it. In fact the very breath that this admission was carried upon verified it. She stated that she prefers it. Tastes great – Less filling, she didn’t say but she did point out something (that should have been fairly obvious) when she sensed that I didn’t believe her. She said, “If I was going to steal something to get my drunk on anyway, I could have just as easily stolen it from the liquor store two doors down”. Good point, I guess. Cheers.

If you have information about any unsolved crime or ongoing criminal enterprise, call the Ponoka RCMP at 783-4472. You can also call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS or now leave tips anonymously on-line at www.tipsubmit.com. If this is the kind of environment that you would like to work in, we are hiring. Check us out at www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca or call 1-877-RCMP-GRC for information about the application process.

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