unclaimed pair of poopy pants.

Between Oct. 5 and 12, the following examples were not the biggest or baddest crimes the Ponoka RCMP investigated but they were certainly some of the more peculiar representatives.
Here are some examples of how traffic cops knew that the moon was full this week without actually seeing it: A man called 911 to report that he was doing 70 km/h on a residential street.

Between Oct. 5 and 12, the following examples were not the biggest or baddest crimes the Ponoka RCMP investigated but they were certainly some of the more peculiar representatives.

Here are some examples of how traffic cops knew that the moon was full this week without actually seeing it: A man called 911 to report that he was doing 70 km/h on a residential street. That wasn’t why he called though. He wanted to report the woman that passed him. Another man called to complain that he was doing 150 km/h on the QEII.. Wait … let me backup here. He was calling to say that he was doing 150 km/h. He was complaining about being tailgated! (And my personal favourite … ) During peak traffic on the QEII on Thanksgiving Monday, a panicked woman called 911 to report  that she was being tailgated. She also wanted police to know that everyone was speeding, very few people were wearing seatbelts, she suspected that she saw some people consuming liquor in their vehicles, a while back she saw a car in the ditch (which she thought was suspicious), she noticed that all the RCMP and Sheriff’s cars she spotted were stopped on the side of the highway with other vehicles and wondered why they weren’t doing anything about all the lawlessness she was seeing all around her … and then she turned off her phone so we couldn’t find out which of her many complaints she would like us to get started on.

One afternoon this week police were dispatched to a robbery at a local music store. When police attended, it soon became clear that it was a simple case of shoplifting. You see, a man went into the store and pretended to want to purchase a violin when, in fact, all he really wanted was the bow. He distracted the owner with a request to see another instrument. When the owner turned his back, the thief stuffed the long stiff bow down his pants. He left a moment later (walking bow legged – if you like). The owner obtained the licence plate and description of the vehicle the felonious fiddler fled in. Police soon identified the suspect and were surprised to learn that this was not his first attempted bow theft today. He had tried it unsuccessfully in Wetaskiwin a couple hours earlier. Charges for this instance have been laid and this fellow will get to explain to a judge what he seems to be unable to adequately explain to police. Anyway, the real reason I wrote this was to illustrate the important distinction between a “robbery” and “shoplifting”. A theft without violins … is just shoplifting. (Pa-dump-bump!)

On the subject of thefts. The strangest one this week occurred in our very police station; in one of our cells, the drunk tank, no less. Two drunks spent the night together in that cell. Both arrived with similar issues. Both were grossly intoxicated and both had “messed in their pants”; one did “Number 1” and the other did “Number 2”. The one who pooped in his pants (a lot) took them off and left them balled up in an unused corner of the cell before passing out for the night. The other fellow was more shy than he was uncomfortable and he opted to leave his wet pants on. In the morning, the day shift members let the one who was awake already out of the tank first and sent him on his way. They woke up the pantless man a few minutes later and told him to get dressed so that he too could be released. He came out of the cell pantless. He insisted that the poopy pants on the floor were not his and that “somehow” his cell mate had removed the wet pants he was wearing and had left wearing them himself. Turns out he was right. Police offered to charge the other cell mate with the theft and the victim was quite enthusiastic for that to happen … right up until he began to consider how his testimony was going to sound … “Uh. Never mind. I have more pants at home”.

Police were waved down by an employee of a liquor store. The employee pointed out a mini van exiting the parking lot and explained that a male passenger had just stolen a 60 oz. bottle of vodka. The member went after the vehicle and arrested the male passenger for the theft. Oddly enough it was the female driver who was in more trouble than the booze bandit. She was not only a willing party to the theft offence but she was also drunk as a skunk, was caught lying to police about her identity and was further discovered to be a suspended driver operating an unregistered, uninsured motor vehicle with a stolen licence plate on it. Her suspension wasn’t even related to her last impaired driving charge but the one before. Her last one was only 10 days earlier and the suspension wouldn’t have gone into effect yet. That one was the result of a complaint made by her own husband who was mad at her for driving over his legs. The larcenous liquor lifter was released to appear in court at a later date. His getaway driver wasn’t so lucky. She is in the remand centre until her matters are dealt with because she doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of “keep the peace and be of good behaviour” which has been a condition of her other pre-trial releases. Either that or she is much worse ordinarily. Her husband may know the answer to that one.

If you have information about any unsolved crime or ongoing criminal enterprise, call the Ponoka RCMP at 783-4472. You can also call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS or now leave tips anonymously on-line at www.tipsubmit.com . If this is the kind of environment that you would like to work in, we are hiring. Check us out at www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca or call 1-877-RCMP-GRC for information about the application process.