MIKE RAINONE
Hammertime
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to gain any brownie points but throughout my ordinary but interesting life so far I have learned to cautiously admire, while hardly ever trying to completely understand, but always sharing a great respect for those fair members of the opposite sex.
Along the way, like all the rest of the guys, I played the field, quite often got jilted, broke a few hearts, and was always broke but finally was lucky enough to find the love of my life, grew up, helped to raise a family, and survived it all.
Like so many others, I will extend my congratulations to Alison Redford for being elected as our new provincial premier, who will now have the tough task of keeping the ‘old boy’s club’ and our great province on the right track. Men and women, and the order doesn’t matter, both play vital roles in all areas of our lives — from the workforce, to the finances, and to the family, while hopefully finding enough well deserved leisure time for a little socializing, sports, and each other.
While I am on the same delicate subject of the ladies, I just have to say a little about the sassy side. I have been a sports fanatic for most of my life, but when I switched on the TV the other day and caught some action from the new North American Lingerie Football League, I did a double take, and couldn’t believe what I was watching. The new game of seven on seven full contact ladies’ football was created in 2009 by American Mitch Mortaza, advertised as thrilling all fantasy football games featuring cleavage and cleats, to be played in indoor stadiums and arenas.
The teams of young ladies come dashing out on the field to play their rugged games dressed only in skimpy colourful outfits that include kneepads, garters, bras, panties, helmets with visors, and cleats. As well as the immediate appeal of their appearance and antics on the field, these players are all competitive and talented athletes, coming from college or semi-professional careers in a number of sports. Needless to say lingerie football was a hot and immediate hit, just like roller derby had overwhelmed the sports scene so many years earlier.
The league has added more teams every season and some of these now include the Los Angeles Temptations, Philadelphia Passion, Dallas Desire, Baltimore Charm, San Diego Seduction, Cleveland Crush, Minnesota Valkyrie and Las Vegas Sin. The good news for Canada is that the Toronto Triumph is now a part of the rush and teams are now being marketed in Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Quebec City, and Montreal.
I’m afraid that my blood pressure wouldn’t stay calm enough for me to watch to many games with the gals. Lingerie football was severely criticized at first, but now it is watched by millions of avid viewers throughout the world on pay per view, and will soon be adding teams and leagues in other countries.
Statistics say that 85 per cent of people who watch sports are men, and like yours truly, we enjoy seeing the intensity, speed, athletic abilities, aggression, skills, and gossip expected from each and every sport and player. Why then should women not have the opportunity to play and show us their great skills and charm in sports that they were restricted from for so many years?
The four letter words of marriage!
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got home the blushing bride immediately called up her mother. “Well,” said her mother, “so how was your honeymoon?” “Oh Mama,” she replied, “The honeymoon was wonderful, and so romantic.”
But then suddenly she burst out crying. “But Mama, as soon as we returned home Sam started using the most horrible language, things that I have never heard before. I mean all these awful four letter words. You’ve got to come and take me home please Mama.”
“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother stressed. “Calm down. You need to stay with your husband and try to work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? What four letter words did he utter?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, Mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, because they are just too awful!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has made you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four letter words!”
Sobbing, the bride reluctantly replied, “Oh, Mama, he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook.”
“I’ll pick you up in 20 minutes,” her mother insisted.
Please get out and enjoy the rest of this ongoing fall frolic, and have a great week, all of you!