Skip to content

Father’s Day, a great time to gather the flock

.

MIKE RAINONE/Hammertime

I don’t know about all the rest of you super dads and grandpas out there, but the very best thing I like about Father’s Day (June 19) is the joyous gathering of the family flock, the surprise phone calls, and the sharing of a whole lot of precious memories.

No matter what their ages, or how noisy and rambunctious they might be, they are our family, who, as occasionally flustered, but always proud parents, we have raised together through the good times and bad, and are all totally irreplaceable, no matter what.

Of course the pampering, the hugs, cards and the presents are always really nice, but just being together for an afternoon barbecue, a chance to try and keep up with the grandchildren, and the annual exchange of new and past photo album pictures is absolutely priceless. Even though we may shed a little tear after chatting with one of children on the phone who couldn’t make it for the occasion, we can all enjoy sitting in the lawn chair or showing off our cooking skills, while giving thanks for all these wonderful blessings that we will always be able to call our own.

As I always love to do, here is the Hammer’s annual sincere and funny tribute to dads and grandpas everywhere, and because we are always such good sports, we promise to go along with the tricks and teasing all year round.

Top 10 things you will never hear a dad say

• “Well, what do you know? I’m lost! We’ll have to stop and get some directions, or maybe mom could phone ahead to our destination to find out where we are.”

• “Well, honey, you are 13 now. I bet you’re ready for un-chaperoned car dates?”

• “I just love all your friends’ cute little ‘up yours’ attitudes.”

• “Here are the keys to my new car. Oh, you can take the credit card to, and have fun”

• “Football! You want to play football? What about figure skating, son?”

• “Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. Would you like to throw a party?”

• “No, I don’t actually know what is wrong with your car.”

• “Son, let’s go to the mall and get you an earring.”

• “You don’t need a job! I have plenty of money for you to spend.”

• “Father’s Day? Don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal!”

It could be a whole lot worse dad

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing this letter to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you when you saw all her tattoos, piercings, and purple hair. Even though you don’t care for her because she is much older than me, she already owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood big enough to last us all winter.

Please don’t worry Dad, because we are happy, and someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit you both so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving son, Benjamin

P.S. Dad, none of this is true! I’m over at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there could be worse things in life than my latest report card that is in my desk drawer. Please call me when it is safe for me to come home. I love you, and I’m hungry!

Father’s Day cards from sons and daughters

• As a child you walked before me to lead by example.

As a teenager you walked behind me looking out for my back and being there when I needed you the most.

As an adult you walk beside me so that, as two friends, we can enjoy life together.

Thanks dad. You will always be my hero and my superstar.

• Happy Father’s Day…. you’re the tops.

Your list of traits never stops.

You’re smart, you’re strong, and you’re handsome.

You’re always there to fix a bike or change a spare.

You’re good for laughs and grins and yucks,

And I was wondering if I could please borrow 20 bucks?

• I love my dad. The nicest thing that he ever did was marry my mother!

• A fellow grandfather and old friend sent me an email the other day just to let me know that he had entered the ‘Snap-Dragon’ part of his life. It boldly went on to explain that ‘part of me has snapped, and the rest of me is dragging!’

• Gordie Howe, one of the world’s greatest hockey players and long-time dad and grandpa, was asked how many goals would he score if he were in the NH. today.

Without hesitation, Howe replied 20, and while the interviewer didn’t think that was a lot, he asked how that could be because aren’t the players bigger and stronger now.

“Heck no,” Gordy replied, “you’ve got to remember that I just turned 80 and I have slowed down just a bit.”

Get ready to let loose at the Wild Wild West of ’36 Ponoka Stampede, watch out for the UV rays, and have a great week, all of you!