Summer time and the living is easy, fish are jumping, the crops are growing, and it’s time for lots of R and R in the sun and shade. At this time of our seasons, we have the right to feel lazy once in a while, to take a little time off work, and school, and chores, and stress and just go ahead and do want we want while getting the best out of these lazy-hazy-crazy days of summer, which we hope will last until long after the leaves have fallen.
In these long-awaited 30 plus degree days of hot sunshine, I am not going to spend a lot of time in my stuffy computer room or on the couch in front of the T.V., so here are some fun, wise, and totally silly tid-bits to share around your camp-fire, at the neighbourhood pub or in the peace of quiet of your back-yards.
Holidays with grand-parents as told by their grand-children
● Most grandparents used to live in a great big brick house with a huge back yard and lots of neat things for us to play on, but when grandpa retired they moved into a nice little house so they didn’t have to mow grass or shovel snow anymore.
● There is also a swimming pool at the condo or fenced off community where all those older folks now live, and they all jump up and down in it with their hats on, music plays for exercise sessions, and then they stop for tea and cookies and chat about their families, getting older, and politics.
● Sometimes grandma and grandpa sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts, while others roar around on those neat scooters with a Canada flag on the back. Nobody cooks much where they live, because they love to eat out, and they eat the same thing every day....early birds..
● On many special occasions all of the grammas and grandpas get together and try some pot luck, then dance and shuffle to some real old music....but grandchildren aren’t invited.
● We like going over to grandma and grandpa’s little house for a sleep-over, because they never get grumpy and always have lots of neat things like hot-dogs, chips, and ice-cream. We try not to beat them to much at games, they usually fall asleep before we do, and the rule is ‘what happens at grandma’s always stays at grandmas.’
● Our grandparents always calm us when we lose a tooth and encourage us to place it under the pillow for a reward from the tooth fairy. They put their teeth beside the bed in a cup at night, so why should they not get a treat?
● When we are sitting on grandpa’s super old knee for stories and cuddles, he always tells us that he worked hard all his life to earn his retirement and that he and grandma have stayed together and in love for over 60 years, which they pray for us when we grow up.
We may be rednecks if we .....
● Think that a woman who is ‘out of our league’ bowls on a different night.
● If Jack Daniels makes our list of ‘most admired people.’
● If we wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
● If we have more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’
● If our Junior or Senior Prom had a Day-Care.
● If we think that the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are, ‘Gentlemen, please start your engines.’
● If we you had to remove a toothpick during our wedding pictures.
● If we have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.’
● If we need one more hole punched in our card to get a freebie at the local ‘House of Tattoos.’
● If we have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in our front yard.
● Whatever the case, and who really cares how we act, as long as we are having fun??
Words of wisdom for all ages
● The trouble with square meals is that they quite often make us round.
● I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?
● A bad attitude is like a flat tire ... you can’t go or get anywhere unless you fix it.
● The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.
● Don’t just Facebook your problems to others … face up to them.
The weird ways of the world
● A guy bought a brand new fridge for his house, then put his old one out in the front yard with a sign ‘free to a new home.’ The fridge sat there for three days with no takers, so he put on a new sign, ‘Fridge for sale $50.00’, and someone stole it the next day.
● The lady was so proud when she bought a lifesaving tool for her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
● While sitting in a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. The cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six, and after thinking for a few moments he replied, “Just cut it into four ... I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
Be kind to others so they can have a chance to like you, and then go ahead and have a great week, all of you.
HAMMERTIME