How about some retirement fun?

HAMMERTIME

Although it took a while to adjust, I can now say that I am absolutely enjoying my retirement — staying as busy as I want to be, while meeting and trying to keep up to so many other great people who are in that same ‘senior slow-down’ mode.

While many of you continue to work very hard, please try finding lots of leisure time for family fun, and don’t ever be afraid to look forward to that retirement phase that you will so richly deserve when that time comes. Here is my humorous salute to the exciting ‘life after work’ chapter of our precious lives.

The long road toward retirement

There is no doubt that we have all had many up and downs and adventures during our employment careers, but this guy just couldn’t seem to find his niche.

• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, because I couldn’t concentrate.

• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

• After that I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was just too exhausting.

• Then, I made an attempt at being a chef, which I figured would add a little spice to my life, but just didn’t have the thyme.

• My very best job was being a musician, but eventually I found out that I wasn’t noteworthy.

• Then I studied for a very long time to become a doctor, but in the end I didn’t have any patience.

• Now I was off to the shoe factory, where I tried very hard, but just didn’t fit in.

• Despite being afraid of the water I would become a professional fisherman, but sadly discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

• I managed to get a really good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work became just too draining.

• After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, and then I finally realized that there was no future in it.

• My last official job was working in a coffee shop, but I had to quit because it was the same old grind.

• Then I tried retirement, and I found that I am perfect for the job.

My retired grandparents, as written by a third grader.

After Christmas a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays away from school, and one slightly disgruntled child wrote the following little story.

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retired and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to make it look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear nametags because sometimes they don’t know who they are anymore.

They go with the other older folks to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, because they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well.

There is also a swimming pool there too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. At their front gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it, and I guess he watches all day so they can’t escape? Sometimes they do sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody cooks there, they just eat out. They eat the same meal every night —early birds. The ones who do not get out bring food back to the wrecked centre for potluck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retirement and says that I should work hard so that I can be retired someday too. When I earn my retirement, I want to be the man in the dollhouse. Then I will let all the people out so that they can go and visit their grandchildren.

This week’s unsung heroes award…goes to those municipal employees and contractors who have worked countless hours this winter to keep our highways and town and country roads cleared and safe for all of us. Not only have they faced adverse weather conditions, record snowfall, and ongoing public criticism, they also have to watch out for those idiots who don’t have enough sense to slow down and let them do their difficult jobs.

A great goal for each week is to salute a volunteer or to become one. Have a great week, all of you!