It is time for taxes and tough new traffic tickets

Hammertime

We really need to pay attention to the road ahead from behind our steering wheel these days, because our Royal Canadian Mounted Police are watching for such driving distraction infractions as texting, chatting on a cellphone, grooming, reading, writing, eating, and all the rest.

Recently along the busy Queen Elizabeth II Highway they nailed several drivers with hefty tickets for driving without due care and attention.

One rather nonchalant individual was pulled over and received a $417 ticket for exceeding the speed limit, swerving from lane to lane, and texting instead of keeping their eyes on the road. There were others, and there will certainly be many more, including demerits, once Alberta’s much discussed Distracted Driving Bill 16 finally goes into effect later this year. Before roaring away in our vehicles, let’s pause for just a second and take a look at the precious passengers beside us, including ourselves of course. We need to respect everyone else out there on our busy roads, while taking care and attention each and every moment of our journey, long or short, so that we will all have the best chance of getting there safe and happy.

Special thanks from those always innocent passengers or pedestrians, who are merely along for the ride or enjoying a casual outing, and certainly don’t deserve to be the victims of the neglect of others.

Tax time before tee times

Whether we like it or not, those boring income tax forms (without pictures) have found their way into our mailboxes, just like they have done every January since who knows when. Being a total klutz at math, I was never very good at filling out all those forms, but thank goodness I have someone else to do it for me, for good or bad, for pay or play? I wish you all good luck with your income tax between now and April 30, and in an effort to find just a little humour in this whole process I will pass this on to you.

• A fine is a tax for doing something wrong, while a tax is a fine for doing something right.

• Always remember that creditors have much better memories than debtors.

• Then there was the brash young architect who bought his wife a bra and deducted it from his income tax as a ‘structural improvement.’

• Your gross income is a usually a figure halfway between what your wife tells her friends that you make and what your boss thinks you’re worth.

• Father O’Malley answered his phone at the church office. “Hello, is this Father O’Malley?” ‘It is’ he replied.

“Good afternoon, this is the Internal Revenue Service, and we were wondering if you might help us?” ‘I hope I can,’ the Father answered.

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” the IRS asked. ‘Yes I do’“Is he a member of your congregation?” ‘Yes he is.’

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” the tax people asked.

After a short pause the wily Father replied, ‘He will!’

Some thoughts about getting older

No matter how old we may be or feel we must always strive to look for and enjoy the many things in our lives that we can be thankful for. But to achieve that we sometimes need to relax, change gears a little, and take the time to look for the best in ourselves and everyone else around us.

• You can’t stay young forever, but you earned the right to be a little immature for the rest of your life.

• My wild oats have now turned into prunes and All-Bran. On some days we need to go a little crazy, but that’s okay, as long as we are back in time for supper. On that subject I must start to forget about health food, because now I need all the preservatives I can get.

• The quickest way for a parent or grandparent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable, or take a nap in the afternoon.

• I would be unstoppable if I could just get started. We all need to remember that wrinkles will never hurt.

• As we get older our secrets are always safe with our friends because most of them can’t remember them either.

Who needs this Sweet Treat? (A true story)

Mark Leon has found out in a spectacular way that he lives in a sweet spot for big rigs in Los Angeles County. Nine years after a truck hauling chocolate syrup crashed into his mobile home park, another rig hauling 36,000 pounds of whipped cream lost control on the freeway and smashed into a chain link fence just a few yards from his house.

Have a great and hopefully warming up week, all of you!