Our pets are smarter than we really think

Throughout the course of our lives most of us have or will possess some sort of pesky pet

Throughout the course of our lives most of us have or will possess some sort of pesky pet that somewhere along the line we will usually become very attached to. The most common pets are dogs, cats, hamsters, ponies, and all sorts of birds, but then there are those who fall in love with those, exotic, maybe even strange breeds of lizards, frogs, snakes, turtles, spiders, and who knows what else.

All pets love to be pampered, loved and fed, and as their only adopted family we need to treat them right, even though they make us mad with the occasional mess or mishap sometimes. The actions, stares, and nudges of all our pets are worth a thousand words, and let’s just imagine what they might say if they could talk.

How to tame a really rude parrot

A young man named John received a colorful parrot as a gift, but once he got the pet home he realized the parrot had a very bad attitude, and even a worse vocabulary. Every word that came out of the big bird’s mouth was rude, loud, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s bad attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music next to the cage, and anything else that might clean up his new feathered friends vocabulary.

Finally, John was completely fed up and started yelling at the parrot, even giving it a shake. But the bird threw a temper tantrum, yelled back and squawked even louder and ruder. John, in total desperation threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put it in the freezer. For a few moments the parrot continued to make lots of noise, then there was a total silence, and not a peep was heard for more than a moment.

Fearing that he had hurt his parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer, and the pretty bird calmly stepped out and into his outstretched arms. The first very polite and surprising words to his new master were: “I’m sincerely sorry that I may have offended you with my rude language and actions, and I am very remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything to correct my unforgivable behavior, and become your perfect pet forever.”

John was stunned at the total change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, very softly: “May I ask what the turkey did wrong?”

To God from the dog

It may sound just a little silly, but after so many happy days with their favourite family, and before they snuggle up on their favourite bed or couch, if your dog could talk, these just might be their prayers, with hopes that they will eventually be granted a place in “Doggy Heaven.”

• Are there mailmen in heaven, and if there are, will I have to apologize; when we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch, or is it still the same old story; and please could we have more meatballs than spaghetti?

• Why are there cars and trucks named after a jaguar, mustang, colt, stingray, rabbit, and ram, but not one single one is named after a dog. We do love our nice ride in our family car, so would it be possible to rename the Chrysler Eagle, to the Chrysler Beagle?

• We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, IDs, and Frisbee flight paths, but what do humans understand?

• Here is a list of just the things I must always remember to be a good dog.

-I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up, and I must always remember that the cat is not a squeaky toy that I can pounce on and roll around the living room.

-I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are quite tasty.

-I must always remember: the diaper pail is not a cookie jar, the sofa is not a face towel, the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff, my head does not belong in the refrigerator, and I should never stand up suddenly when I am under a table.

-I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches for my mom’s driver’s license and registration; I must not play tug of war with my dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet; I will not throw up in the family car or eat the kid’s treats, and I will not come in from the outside and immediately drag my butt across the floor.

-Please help me to learn that if I ever chew my adult’s favourite shoes or slippers or bark at the neighbour ever again, I will be forever banished to the dog house, and may quite likely never gain entry through the “Pearly Gates for Puppies.”

Have a great and balmy week, all of you!


Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Ryan Jake Applegarth of Ponoka, 28, is scheduled to appear at Ponoka Provincial Court on March 12, 2021. (File photo)
Discussions about justice continue as Ponoka murder victims’ court cases proceed

Responses to comments Ponoka Staff Sgt. Chris Smiley made to town council Feb. 9

File photo
Alberta’s central zone has 670 active cases

301 new cases identified Sunday

Alberta has 1,910 active cases of COVID-19 as of Wednesday. Red Deer is reporting five active cases, with 108 recovered. (File photo)
Red Deer reports 25th COVID-19 death

415 new cases identified provincially Saturday

Alberta Health reported two new COVID-19 deaths in Red Deer Friday. (Image courtesy CDC)
Two more deaths linked to Olymel outbreak in Red Deer

Province reported 356 additional COVID-19 cases Friday

Alberta Premier Jason Kenney speaks during a news conference in Edmonton on Feb. 24, 2020. It’s budget day in the province, and Kenney’s United Conservative government is promising more help in the fight against COVID, but more red ink on the bottom line. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jason Franson
Alberta’s budget promises more help for COVID-19 with a hard deficit

Annual spending on debt interest is closing in on $3 billion

A ” Justice for Jeff” T-shirt. (Photo submitted)
Rally to be held outside courthouse for slain Ponoka man

At what may be the last opportunity for Jeffery Kraft of Ponoka… Continue reading

People line up outside a vaccine clinic as seniors wait to get the COVID-19 vaccine in Edmonton Alta, on Friday February 26, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jason Franson
Alberta Health Services head sorry for glitches in vaccine booking system for seniors

AHS president said technical issues have been fixed and a virtual waiting room is in place

Vandalism is shown on Alberta NDP MLA Janis Irwin’s constituency office in Edmonton in this handout photo on Saturday, February 27, 2021. Alberta Premier Jason Kenney quickly condemned vandalism at an Opposition legislature member Janis Irwin’s Edmonton office after the MLA posted pictures showing her front window spray-painted with the words “Antifa Liar.” THE CANADIAN PRESS/HO, Janis Irwin *MANDATORY CREDIT*
Alberta Premier slams vandalism after slur painted on MLA’s office window

Edmonton MLA Janis Irwin posted pictures showing the front window spray-painted with the words ‘Antifa Liar’

A helicopter flies past a mountain near McBride, B.C., on Saturday January 30, 2016. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
Avalanche warning for backcountry users in North and South Rockies

Avalanche Canada is urging backcountry users to always check their regional avalanche forecasts

Supporters pray outside court in Stony Plain, Alta., on Wednesday, Feb. 24, 2021, as a trial date was set for Pastor James Coates of GraceLife Church. He is charged with holding Sunday services in violation of Alberta’s COVID-19 rules and with breaking conditions of his bail release. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jason Franson
Trial date for jailed Alberta pastor charged with breaking COVID-19 health orders

The court says it will reconvene with lawyers on March 5 for a case management plan by teleconference

A pharmacist prepares a COVID-19 vaccine at Village Green Retirement Campus in Federal Way on Jan. 26. (Olivia Sullivan/Sound Publishing)
Canada approves use of AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine

The country joins more than a dozen others in giving the shot the green light

Emily Keeping of Wetaskiwin, Alta., was last seen at 4:20 p.m. on Feb. 25, 2021 at the FasGas on 49 St and 50 Ave in Wetaskiwin. Supplied/ Wetaskiwin RCMP.
UPDATE: Wetaskiwin RCMP seek assistance in locating missing 11-year-old

Emily Keeping was last seen on Feb. 25, 2021 at the FasGas on 49 St and 50 Ave in Wetaskiwin.

Most Read