Believe it or not, some people do try to relax over the Christmas holidays, finding some quality time to go skiing with the family, visiting with relatives and friends, and hopefully forgetting about the other 51 weeks of rigours and stress during work and school, at least for a few glorious days. Never mind if you didn’t get all your shopping done; there will always be enough to go around, or share, or swap after the Boxing Day madhouse.
One of the most refreshing treats of these festive holidays is to be able to take some time after the fiest, the folly, and the gift exchange to get outside and enjoy the brisk winter air, to walk, to skate, to stay up late, and to play with all those new toys that slip, slide, jump ramps, and create screams and happy bruises. Over the holidays, there should be no worry about our over-indulging, spending too much money, or missing any sleep, because we will have all of January to chase our New Year’s resolutions, lose weight, balance the budget, and to nap through those long cold nights and days away. Whatever the case, please don’t forget to give a special treat to your paper boys and girls, the mail carriers, and everyone else who goes out of their way all year round to keep us all happy.
Why we don’t ever want politics in Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to ‘Elves’.
‘Vertically challenged’ they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeers had vanished, without much propriety, released to the woods by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear, that Santa had better no use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid were replaced by 4 pigs, which really looked silly.
The runners had been removed from his sleigh; the ruts termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call the cops, when they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second hand smoke from Santa’s pipe had his workers quite frightened,
His fur trimmed red suit was called ‘unenlighted.”
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing over the unauthorised use of his nose,
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So half of his reindeer were gone, and so was his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life.
She had joined a self-help group, packed, left in a whiz, demanding now that her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, he’d never had a notion, that making a choice can cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, which meant nothing for him and nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute, nothing to aim, nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise, nothing for just girls or just boys.
No candy or sweets, they were bad for the tooth, and nothing that seemed to embellish the truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt, and playing sports might expose kids to dirt.
Dolls were claimed by some to be sexist, while playing Nintendo may be hard on the brain.
So poor old Santa just stood there dishevelled and perplexed, wondering what to do next.
As always he tried to be merry and gay, but you’ve got to be careful about that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground, nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift he might give without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, each group of people, and every religion.
It must now be a joy for every ethnicity, every hue, everyone, and everywhere….even you.
So here is that gift, its’ price beyond worth…may you and your loved ones always enjoy Peace on Earth and good will towards all men.
Please remember that those individuals, families, visitors and friends who have not made plans for Christmas dinner you will be warmly welcomed at the annual Ponoka Community Christmas Dinner on Wednesday-December 25 at the Kinsmen Centre. The gala affair will feature coffee and entertainment from 10:00 a.m. until 12 noon, followed by a scrumptious Turkey Buffet and all the trimming from 12 noon until 1:00 p.m. All the very best of the season to your family from mine, as well as enjoying a great week with family and friends all of you.