An aphorism is a short and clever statement of truth or opinion, often wise, but usually containing a very funny or special message. In all the years that I have been involved in the world of community newspapers, and still manage to just keep on writing, what I have really enjoyed is receiving all sorts of these wild and wicked jokes and stories, lots of good advice, as well as some very cheeky, but mostly sharp and funny one liners and quotes, some of which are not printable. This week I will pass on some of the best of these ‘verbal quickies’ to you, my faithful readers, who I am sure, have a few of your own favourites?
• The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
• Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
• If we don’t have a sense of humour, we probably don’t have any sense at all.
• Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
• A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
• How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
• Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate all week without.
• Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
• Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
• No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
• There are no new sins…The old ones just get more publicity.
• No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
• I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.
• Be careful about reading the fine print…There is no way you are going to like it.
• The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
• Do you realize that in 40 years we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
• Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to be miserable in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
• Always be yourself, because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones that mind don’t matter.
• Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it is still the greatest gift we will ever receive.
• Friends are like underwear…Always near you.
• A man is not complete until he is married…Then he is finished.
• Many citizens of our great nation will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, while others won’t even cross the street to vote in an election.
• If you wish to be like someone else, you will waste the person that you are.
• A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins.
• A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.
• The great advantage of a bad memory is that one can keep on enjoying the same good things for the first time.
• A true friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you.
• Don’t cry because it’s over…Smile because it happened.
• Don’t walk behind me…I may not lead, don’t walk in front of me….I may not follow, but please walk beside me and be my friend.
Mother’s Day thoughts-quotes and poems
• The advice our children rejected is now being given by them to our grandchildren.
• Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn’t have anything to do with what they created.
• Grandmothers are veteran mothers who have learned all the tricks of raising children, but now on weekends they love to pamper and spoil their grandchildren, then happily send them home with their daughters and sons, and then sit back and chuckle and enjoy many glorious years of good old fashioned ‘pay back’.
In every Mother’s footsteps
When you’re a child she walks before you to set an example.
When you’re a teenager she walks behind you to be there should you need her.
When you’re an adult she walks beside you so that as two friends you can enjoy life together.
Why not combine spring and Mother’s Day and plan a great outdoor celebration around the BBQ, in the park, or even at the lake? Whatever the case, have a great week, all of you.